So heres a simple but very true fact of being an adult. Friends are hard!

Its so easy to get lost in the challenges of life; be it work, romance, or parenting, and completely neglect outside relationships. But another essential truth to adulting is…. we need friends!!!!

We need these people! Someone that we choose to keep in our lives. People who have proven to be your champion, cheerleader, and confidant. People who have seen your worse and given you their best, without reserve, without judgement, and without expectation. We need people that keep us going when things get tough. People who cheer us on when we start succeeding. People who wont let you put your hand in the fire, and will guide you, always, back to the light.

These people are essential to help you reach your full potential in life, help you become your best self.

So today I woke up feeling overwhelmed in my house. It wasn’t anything major causing these feelings either. Just the normal everyday life for a mom of five; getting everyone up and ready to get the boys to school, making sure they all ate their breakfast, stripping sheets off a bed after a nighttime accident, and getting Wednesdays laundry started. But I had to do all of it on very little sleep, since our little M decided sleep is for the weak, and I was up with him for half the night.

I saw everything I had to do this morning as if they were just huge tasks to be completed. Nothing appeared to want to go my way. Two of my kids wanted to fight waking up, and took four different warnings to actually start getting dressed. The towels I forgot I put in the dryer the night before didn’t fully dry so I was unable to switch out the laundry loads and get started on the Wednesday laundry. P decided she preferred her milk in a coffee mug instead of bottle, and then proceeded to spill 40% of her milk on the floor. And while normally these things don’t get to me, this morning it was just a little more than I wanted to handle.

Then G starts asking about the plans for our day and all I can think about and see is messes all around me. I need to vacuum, and mop, and the half bath has about a billion band aids scattered on the floor that still needs to be picked up, and I didn’t get a single thing printed out for preschool today so I’ll be using workbooks again and making up some flash card game on the spot. I need to make prep bags for my morning smoothies, and get the next five days worth of oats prepared. Not to mention, I still have to fix the boys curtains… and the list goes on and on.

Truly none of these things are new or bothersome to me on a normal day.

But today was different. I didn’t handle this morning well. I realized I needed to take a minute and figure out what was important. and I concluded that what really needed to happen was that I needed a refill!

What I mean is, I needed my friends. I needed the people who are always supporting me and telling me I’m not screwing up, and can commiserate with me about the never-ending task list of things to get done. I needed someone to reset my internal “mom-guilt” clock back to zero before it ate me alive.

Adulting is hard. Parenting is harder. Friends, though, can make it fun!

Five years ago, I never would have guessed that I would be able to surround myself with allies at the drop of a hat. That I would have people in my corner that understood, deep down, how hard this morning was to handle. I never would have believed that five years ago.

So, five years ago I was living in Canada with two little boys and a husband who worked 13 and 14 hour days. My closet family member was in Chicago, more than 9 hours away. I had just experienced a miscarriage that set me into a terrible state of depression that lasted the entire Canadian winter. I felt so alone back then and I can remember telling Eric that I needed friends. But, I made the excuse that it didn’t make sense to try and make friends, when we would just be moving home in a few months… It was rough.

You see, back then I was also still pretty awkward, and basically a huge dork. I didn’t think I had anything to offer, friendship wise, and figured “what was the point” in trying. So I spent several long early years of motherhood attempting to figure it out on my own.

Thankfully, that did not last.

We did move home that summer, and I got pregnant with G. But one of the best parts was we joined a new church. A church that had an 8 am mass! This was awesome. Going to mass when our kids were still tired enough to not drive us insane meant we cold actually hear what the weekly gospels were about, but it also meant we got to look around occasionally and see the other families in the church. This is where my life started to change in a big way.

One Sunday morning after mass I took a huge leap of faith. I could feel that God was telling me that I needed to find new relationships in my life. That I didn’t have to feel so lonely. I felt compelled to try and make a new friend.

I had seen this woman several times and often smiled at her, before I finally worked up the courage to approach her and actually say hi. This was my first step into a new world of relationships for me.

This one women gave me more courage in a single ten minute conversation after mass than I had had in the last three years combined. She was thankful that I approached her and sought out a friendship. While I was so grateful that she didn’t reject my awkwardness right away.

After this exchange happened, we started play-dates for our children. First it was the library, then the park, then we met for a weekday mass. She brought along a friend who quickly endeared herself to me as well, and I could see the three of us growing to be closer.

During this same time I was also making friends at the morning “coffee and doughnuts” after mass with another set of women. Women who were like me. Awkward and unsure of how to make adult friends. Women who wanted that close companionship but didn’t know how to do it. We actually managed to build our friendships on these ideals. The ideals that we had no idea what we were doing but we would figure it out together.

These women have grown in the last three and half years to become essential to me and my family. My children’s best friends are their children. My husband’s camping buddies are their husbands. They’ve grown to become such an integral part of our lives that I wouldn’t know down from up if I were to suddenly not have these ladies in my life.

They constantly fill up my cup. They remind me how human we moms are allowed to be. They help me to recognize when I have unrealistic expectations for myself. They pray with me when I cant see through the dark parts of life. And they lift me up constantly.

These wonderful ladies have taught me one essential fact of life, that if I can pass nothing else along to my children, it will be this… find good friends. Find people who will stand in your corner. Find people who want to see you happy and successful and loved. And then love them back just as much! Find people who can be your refill.